


give me both your hands

by liveinfury



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Hand Jobs, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 16:41:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11085666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liveinfury/pseuds/liveinfury
Summary: “There were times early on that…I kind of questioned if you were…” Jonny trails off.“Into you?” Patrick finishes for him.“Well, yeah.”Patrick nods. “I was.”





	give me both your hands

**Author's Note:**

> big thanks to Ellie for beta-ing last minute!
> 
> this fic is based on the short film [Rony and I](https://vimeo.com/62680185).
> 
> title is from May I Have This Dance by Francis and the Lights because how can I not?

Patrick spots Jonny’s car waiting along the curb of the airport. He takes a deep breath before approaching it, readying himself for the inevitable.

He sneaks up to the passenger window and taps on it, causing Jonny to startle. 

“Fucking, asshole!” Jonny shouts from inside. He gets out and shoves at Patrick before wrestling his suitcase away from him.

“I got it,” Patrick says, trying to grab it back.

“Get in the car,” Jonny demands as he loads the luggage in the trunk and comes around front.

Patrick does as told and hops into the passenger seat.

“How was the flight?” Jonny asks once they pull out onto the main road.

“Good I guess? Slept for most of it,” Patrick answers.

“Well it’s good to see you, man. Thanks for coming up,” Jonny says, reaching over and lightly thumping his shoulder.

“Any excuse to get away from the family for a bit,” Patrick says.

“And here I thought it was to see me,” Jonny replies with a fake pout.

Patrick rolls his eyes. “Of course. I came all the way to Winnipeg to see your beautiful face.”

Jonny narrows his eyes. “That doesn’t sound like sarcasm…”

Patrick shrugs. They fall into silence as Jonny drives them towards his parent’s house. 

*

Lunch with the Toews transpired just like Patrick imagined. There was a lot of inquiring about his family and his health. Andrée loaded up his plate and practically forced him to eat seconds, Brian praised his past few seasons, and David chatted him up about the past basketball season.

“Sorry, they can be a bit draining,” Jonny says after they’ve said their goodbyes and drive to Jonny’s.

"I don’t mind,” Patrick says, shrugging. He really doesn’t mind. Jonny’s family always makes him feel comfortable and cared for. 

“Still. You didn’t come all this way to get away from your family, only to be badgered by another.”

“But it’s your family,” Patrick says.

“Yeah? And?” Jonny asks, confused.

“I don’t mind because it’s your family. It’s fine,” Patrick admits.

Jonny hums in understanding. A few minutes last he asks, “Wanna go out to the lake?”

“Now?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“Sure,” Patrick says.

An hour later, Jonny’s casting a fishing line into the lake while Patrick lays out for a tan in his swimming shorts.

“I can’t believe you hate fishing,” Jonny grumbles.

“It’s boring,” Patrick explains for the fifth time, eyes shut as he soaks in the sunlight.

“And tanning isn’t?”

“Oh, it is, but I’d rather lay here and do nothing than fish,” he answers, slowly opening his eyes to see Jonny peering over at the water for any signs of movement. Patrick has half a mind to push him overboard, but he doesn’t want to get an earful for the rest of the day so he decides against it.

“You could’ve just said no when I asked if you wanted to go to the lake,” Jonny says.

“I don’t mind. I like the fresh air.”

“So how did you convince Jen to let you come up here?” Jonny asks.

Patrick turns on his side to face Jonny. This is probably when the whole trip will turn on its head. He’s been preparing himself for this moment, for this question, but it still makes his stomach roll.

“I didn’t have to,” he answers. “We broke up.”

Jonny’s grip on the fishing rod goes slack as he spins around to look at Patrick. “What? When?”

“Few weeks ago.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” Jonny questions, pulling the rod back up and leaning it against the side of the boat.

Patrick shrugs. Telling Jonny would mean explaining what happened and that’s a conversation Patrick wanted to have in person.

“So what happened? Did you end things?” Jonny asks. He walks over and sits down next to Patrick.

Patrick gets up and mirrors Jonny before saying, “Yeah, I broke up with her. It’s complicated, I guess? She just wasn’t the right person for me.”

Jonny nods in understanding. “Is there someone else or something?”

Patrick swallows. Jonny just gave him the perfect opening, he just has to get over himself and take it. “Yeah, there is.”

Jonny perks up and rests his hands on his knees. “Who? Anyone I know?”

Patrick nods, unable to trust his voice.

“Well, how long have you known her?” Jonny asks eagerly. 

This is it. The moment that everything will change. Patrick takes a deep breath before answering, “I’ve known _him_ for ten years, give or take?”

Jonny squints at him and furrows his eyebrows in confusion for a few seconds before it dawns on him that Patrick's talking about him. He shields his eyes from the sun and continues to stare at Patrick, speechless.

“Wow,” Jonny finally says rather anticlimactically.

“Yeah, it’s not-it’s not a big deal,” Patrick lies. 

Jonny nods and with a final look at Patrick, he heads towards the front of the boat. 

“Ready to go home?” Jonny asks.

“Sure,” Patrick answers, shrugging. Jonny hits a few buttons and pulls the anchor up before steering them back towards land.

Patrick knew it was going to be awkward but he didn’t realize just how much. This was a new type of torture for him. “Can you please say something?” he asks after they’ve docked and started making their way towards Jonny’s car.

“I don’t know what to say,” Jonny responds, shoving his hands in his pocket. “I didn’t know.”

“Obviously,” Patrick says. “I was pretty good at keeping it a secret.”

They get in Jonny’s car and sit in silence as he pulls out onto the main road.

“Is Chinese good with you for dinner?” Jonny asks.

“Chinese?”

“Yeah. If not, we can do Thai? Mexican? Italian?”

Patrick shakes his head. “That’s what you have to say? ‘Is Chinese good with you for dinner?’”

Jonny shrugs. “We have to eat something, don’t we?”

Patrick sighs and agrees with Chinese. At least Jonny’s driving him home and didn’t leave him at the port, not that Patrick expected him to, but you just never know sometimes. Jonny asking Patrick for his opinion on dinner is good; it means he plans on letting Patrick stay for at least a few more hours. Baby steps.

They drive in silence for a majority of the car ride. As they pull into Jonny’s neighborhood, he clicks his tongue and hums to himself.

“What?” Patrick asks.

“Nothing,” Jonny says. “Just...I’m thinking back on our first few years in Chicago and…I don’t know.”

Patrick waits for Jonny to gather his thoughts.

“There were times early on that…I kind of questioned if you were…” Jonny trails off.

“Into you?” Patrick finishes for him.

“Well, yeah.”

Patrick nods. “I was.”

Jonny pulls into his driveway and puts the car in park. He doesn’t make any move to get out of the car so Patrick stays and follows his lead.

“For ten years?” Jonny asks with wide eyes.

Patrick rubs his face with his hands, unsure if the heat he feels is from a sunburn or embarrassment. “Not completely. I’m bi so it’s not like I was using the girls I was with. I did actually like them. But with you…I don’t know. It’s different. It’s been off and on, more on than off recently,” he mumbles through a space between his hands.

“Sometimes you would stare. I always thought that was just a weird quirk of yours, but I guess not? And you’d always pick a fight with me just for the hell of it. I didn’t realize you were dealing with your feelings like a third grader.”

“Alright, alright. I get it,” Patrick says, removing his hands from his burning face. He slowly looks over at Jonny to see him calm and collected. As if their entire friendship isn’t teetering on the edge of a cliff.

“You’ve always been so picky with girls. I’m kind of flattered,” Jonny says, putting a hand on his chest to convey that he’s touched.

“Shut up,” Patrick grumbles, burying his face back in his hands.

“What?” Jonny asks, reaching over to pull Patrick’s hands away from his face. “It’s okay. This is okay.”

“Stop talking,” Patrick requests.

“I’m trying to understand. You’re the one who is making this awkward. Relax. It’s fine, Pat. You can trust me,” Jonny reassures him.

This is exactly why Patrick’s in love with the asshole. Out of all the ways he’s imagined this conversation to going, this wasn’t one of them. He should have known Jonny would be very Jonny about it; kind and accepting.

“I know. I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t,” Patrick huffs.

“I’m glad you told me,” Jonny says.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s nice to know that you feel comfortable enough to share this with me. That you trust me with this,” Jonny elaborates.

And that’s just it. Patrick knew. He always knew deep down in his heart that Jonny didn’t harbor some secret crush on him. That Jonny wasn’t going to look at him fondly and confess his feelings too. That the day wasn’t going to end with them rolling around in bed whispering sweet nothings. But all of his knowing still doesn’t stop a sharp pain from jabbing at his chest.

Patrick shrugs and hops out of the car, unable to wait any longer for Jonny’s cue.

*

“Did you see Dayna had the baby?” Jonny asks, mouth full of lo mein.

“Yeah,” Patrick says. “Can’t believe Seabs has three kids. Remember when he’d make us be his wingmen at bars?”

“And then he’d just complain that we weren’t trying hard enough. As if we weren’t doing him a favor,” Jonny says rolling his eyes and laughing.

Patrick laughs along with him as they continue to reminisce on their early years in the NHL. Jonny jokes around with him almost like the afternoon confession didn’t happen. But it did happen and Patrick keeps noticing Jonny’s lingering looks and the way he tilts his head and narrows his eyes at him. It’s subtle, Patrick only notices because he’s looking for any hint of a change.

He’s helping Jonny clean up after dinner when it hits him. Of course things are different, how can they not be? Jonny’s just being a nice guy about this. Even if he was uncomfortable, he wouldn’t tell Patrick. And no matter what, he sure as hell wouldn’t ask Patrick to leave.

Patrick trails after Jonny back into the living room and hovers by the threshold.

“What?” Jonny asks, shooting him a look.

“Listen, you don’t have to feel bad if you want me to leave. I totally get it. Just tell me and I’ll go,” Patrick says, wringing his hands and staring at the floor.

There’s a beat of silence before Jonny answers, “You’re not going anywhere. I don’t want you to.”

“No?” Patrick asks, slowly shifting his gaze to Jonny.

“No,” Jonny says with a sweet smile. “You have to know by now that I don’t treat you like other people. If I felt uncomfortable, I would tell you.”

Patrick breathes a sigh of relief. “You’re sure?”

Jonny reaches for the remote and turns off the TV before narrowing his eyes at Patrick. “Do you want to leave, is that it?”

Patrick shakes his head.

“Then why are you making this a thing?” Jonny asks, exasperated. “Stay. Please?”

“Yeah,” Patrick whispers. “Okay.”

“Great. Now can we get back to watching golf?”

“I think I’m gonna head to bed actually,” Patrick says.

“Patrick,” Jonny scolds. “Stop being weird.”

“I’m not!” Patrick exclaims. “I’m tired, I swear!”

Jonny’s eyes wander over Patrick’s frame and there he goes tilting his head and narrowing his eyes again. “Okay. Let’s go to bed.”

Patrick furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “You can stay up.”

“Nah, I’m tired too.”

Patrick shrugs and heads towards the guest bathroom to brush his teeth and strip down to his boxers. When he steps out into the room, Jonny’s laying on the guest bed without a shirt on.

Patrick blinks and looks around the room. Did he accidentally end up in Jonny’s room?

“Come here,” Jonny demands, patting the spot next to him.

“What are you doing?” Patrick asks, realizing that the room is indeed the guest room.

“Come here,” Jonny repeats.

Patrick slowly walks over to the bed and settles down on the edge of it. “What?”

“Give me your hand.”

Patrick obliges, curiosity getting the best of him. Jonny takes his hand and yanks him closer. He places Patrick’s hand on his chest. Patrick pulls his hand back in lightning speed. “What the hell?” he asks, furious.

“Touch me,” Jonny says.

“Are you crazy?” Patrick asks, searching Jonny’s face for any signs of a joke.

“Let me give this to you.”

“No,” Patrick says, shuffling away. “Absolutely not. I don’t want your fucking pity, Jonny.”

“It’s not pity,” Jonny says, sitting up and crawling across the bed to Patrick. “You’re always going to wonder what it would be like. Here, I’m giving it to you. Not because I feel bad for you, but because I care about you, Patrick. Please?”

“I-I can’t,” Patrick whispers as Jonny closes the space between them and guides his hand back to his chest.

Patrick’s eyes widen as the tips of his fingers brush Jonny’s skin. He feels a tingling sensation shoot up his hand and spread through his body. He tries to take his hand back, but Jonny closes his own over it to keep Patrick from moving. 

“You can,” Jonny whispers back, inches away from Patrick’s face. He lowers them back down on the bed.

Patrick rubs Jonny’s abs and slowly trails his hand up to his nipples. As he touches the right one with the pads of his fingers, Jonny squirms. “Shit, sorry,” Patrick says, pulling away.

“No, no,” Jonny says, guiding his hand back. “I’m just sensitive there.”

Patrick flicks his gaze up to see Jonny blushing. “Oh,” he whispers. He gently pinches Jonny's nipple, causing him to let out a low moan. He trails his hand down Jonny's chest and stomach, resting it over the patch of dark hair that disappears under his boxers.

Jonny tugs Patrick’s body closer so that Patrick’s head rests on his shoulder. Patrick turns his face and lets his lips brush over Jonny's neck. He’s overwhelmed with emotions. He never thought he could have this. He spent countless nights alone in their shared hotel room wondering what made all the girls Jonny chose better than him. Patrick couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to touch Jonny like this, what all of Jonny’s girlfriends must have felt when they had his full attention.

Patrick starts mouthing at Jonny's neck, slowly poking his tongue out and brushing it against Jonny's damp skin. Judging by the feeling of his warm breath, Patrick can feel Jonny turning his head. He closes his eyes and leaves his lips open for Jonny to take.

And take he does. Jonny's lips brush his ever so slightly before they completely capture them. Patrick responds and kisses him back. He feels like crying at the sensation. He’s dreamt about these lips for so long, but those dreams didn’t do justice. Jonny kisses him as if he’s drinking coffee; small sips broken up by large gulps. 

Jonny pulls away, causing Patrick to emit the most embarrassing whine.

“Shh,” Jonny whispers, “not going anywhere. Promise.”

Patrick watches with wide eyes as Jonny rubs his own hand down Patrick’s bare chest. Patrick hisses at the feeling, shaking as the hand keeps traveling south, past his hips. Jonny kneads Patrick's thigh. He crawls down and kisses the insides, lips brushing against the hem of his boxers.

“Can I?” Jonny asks, gripping his waistband.

Patrick, at a loss of words, nods in response. Jonny smiles softly and pulls Patrick’s boxers down and off, revealing his hard dick. Patrick throws a hand over his eyes in embarrassment.

“Stop,” Jonny says, tugging his hand away. “I want you to watch me. Watch us.” Patrick bites his lip and looks at Jonny who smirks back at him. “Didn’t realize what a grower you are.”

“Shut up,” Patrick says, smacking him in the chest.

Jonny grins and wraps a hand around Patrick’s dick. He tugs a few times and Patrick feels breathless. He’s had plenty of handjobs in his life, from men and women, but nothing has ever compared to the feeling of Jonny's calloused hand tightly gripping and stroking his dick. Jonny bends down and places light kisses on Patrick's stomach. He sucks on a patch of skin and shudders before focusing his attention back to Patrick's dick.

"Don't stop," Patrick moans.

"Don't want to," Jonny whispers. He keeps stroking Patrick's dick with one hand and gently tugs on his balls with the other.

“I’m gonna come,” Patrick says, embarrassed yet again at how easy he is for Jonny.

Jonny lowers himself down to meet Patrick’s lips. “Come,” he whispers into his mouth.

Patrick releases himself in Jonny's hand, spurting onto his own chest. Jonny places a hard kiss on his mouth before releasing his dick and rubbing Patrick’s come off his hand onto his leg.

“Hey!” Patrick says, kicking him away.

“It’s your come,” Jonny says, shrugging.

Patrick laughs and lets his eyes trail down to Jonny's boxers. His dick is soft. Patrick freezes, was it ever hard? The realization of what they just did hits Patrick in the chest like a ton of bricks. This meant nothing to Jonny. He was being a good friend and helped Patrick out. If anything, it was an experiment of sorts. And yeah, Patrick won’t go the rest of his life wondering what it would have been like with Jonny, but now that he knows, he’ll spend the rest of his days in agony knowing he’ll never feel this again.

Jonny tugs him closer so that Patrick’s head rests on his chest. Patrick wonders why he fell for Jonathan out of all of the people in his life. His mind drifts for a while. He thinks about how every person he’ll be with in the future will be compared to Jonny, how Patrick will never get to feel this safe and happy again, but some incredibly lucky girl out there will for the rest of her life, how she’ll get to fall asleep and wake up in Jonny's arms.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Jonny's hand comes up to brush the tears away. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. We’re going to be fine, Peeks,” Jonny whispers before placing a gentle kiss in Patrick’s curls. 

Patrick sniffs and wills his tears to stop. Unable to keep his mind from self-destructive thoughts, he falls asleep in pieces. 

*

Patrick wakes up to an empty bed. At first he forgets where he is, but a vivid image of Jonny's hand around his dick from last night filters through his head. He pulls on his clothes before making his way to the kitchen.

“Morning,” Jonny says sipping on a cup of coffee at the counter.

Patrick grumbles and pours himself a cup.

“You good?” Jonny asks.

Patrick’s grip on his cup tightens. “Fine,” he says through gritted teeth.

“Okay,” Jonny says, eyeing him. “So I was thinking we could go for a swim and then maybe I could show you around town?”

Patrick can’t help but smile. “There’s nothing to show me. This place is a wasteland.”

Jonny reaches over and smacks Patrick on the back of the head. “Fuck you. No, it isn’t!”

“Sure.”

“The city has a lot of great spots. Don’t be so closed minded,” Jonny says before chugging the rest of his coffee and placing his cup in the sink.

“Alright, whatever.”

“Pool first?” Jonny asks with gleaming eyes. He looks far too excited about the idea of going to his pool with Patrick. 

Patrick can’t tell if Jonny's pretending like last night didn’t happen or that it didn’t matter enough to talk about in the morning. He feels completely out of his element. “Yeah, let me eat first though.”

“Omelette?” Jonny asks, walking over to the fridge without waiting for Patrick’s answer. He knows it’s a yes. Their arms brush as Jonny sets the ingredients down next to Patrick who jumps at the touch.

“What?” Jonny asks, staring at him.

Patrick shakes his head. “You uh, you shocked me.”

Jonny gives him a skeptical look and starts cutting up an onion. Patrick doesn’t even know why he tries to lie, Jonny can see right through him.

*

They end up spending most of the day in Jonny's pool. Patrick can already see a tan forming on Jonny and his mouth practically waters at the sight. He tries to be respectful and keep his eyes away from his ass. Now that Jonny knows about his feelings, it feels even more wrong to stare at his body. 

It seems to be the opposite for Jonny though. When he’s not gazing up at the sky, he’s looking at Patrick. It’s like he’s trying to memorize all the curves and shades of his body. Every time Patrick questions him, Jonny just claims he’s thinking.

Jonny gives him a tour of his town before they wander into the city. They walk around for a bit and Patrick hates to admit that Winnipeg isn’t as much of a dud city as he thought it was. They decide to eat at some organic place but they get recognized by a bunch of fans and feeling overwhelmed, they decide to head back to Jonny's house and cook dinner instead.

On the drive back Patrick feels like breaking down again. He spent the whole day thinking about last night and kept waiting for Jonny to bring it up. He comes to the conclusion that Jonny doesn’t want to talk about it. And really, there’s no need to talk about it. What does Patrick expect him to say that he doesn’t already know? ‘That was nice, but I don’t like you like that’ or ‘I was curious. Sorry if I hurt you.’

He hates Jonny for making him feel this way, but he knows he’s the one to blame. Patrick could have said no, he knew it would ruin him but he touched Jonny anyway. Last night was all he was going to get from Jonny; he should have cherished it a bit more. He should have taken his time observing Jonny's body, the small gasps that fell out of his mouth, the feel of his tongue against Patrick’s.

When they get back, Jonny takes a shower as Patrick starts cutting things for dinner. He puts on some music and bops to the beat as he peels potatoes.

“Are you shaking your butt?” Jonny asks, leaning against the frame of the kitchen threshold.

Patrick startles before shooting him a glare. “Let me live.”

“I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it,” Jonny says, smirking. “Don’t stop on my behalf.”

Patrick feels a blush coming and wills himself to calm down. He spins around and shakes his ass in Jonny's direction before returning his attention to the potatoes.

“Cute,” Jonny comments, walking over to him. He’s wearing a soft gray t-shirt that’s tight around his pecs and black sweatpants. His hair is still damp from his shower and a few strands are sticking up in different directions. Patrick wants nothing more in the world than to reach over and smooth them down. Instead, he goes back to dancing and peeling the potato. 

Jonny reaches over and wraps an arm around Patrick’s shoulder, pulling him in close. “Hey,” he whispers, lips brushing Patrick’s ear. “I like the way you move.”

Patrick squirms and shoves him away. “Fuck off.”

“No seriously, it’s like a cross between endearing and sexy,” Jonny says, leaning against the counter.

Patrick flinches. “You can’t say shit like that. Not after yesterday.”

“Why not? It’s the truth.”

Patrick’s at a loss for words. He shakes his head.

Jonny reaches over and takes Patrick’s face in his hands. He leans in and kisses him. 

“Stop,” Patrick says, pushing Jonny away. “I don’t want your fucking pity.”

Hurt flashes across Jonny's face before it morphs into determination. “That’s not what this is.”

“What is it then?” Patrick asks, as the world tilts around him.

Jonny swallows before saying, “I want to try this. I don’t mean for it to be an experiment, but I guess that’s what it would be. I think I’m attracted to you. I mean, we hung out all day, it felt like a really long date and it was fun. I think we could be good together.”

Patrick folds his arms across his chest. “You _think_ you’re attracted to me? You’re not even gay or bi…or are you and you never told me?” 

Jonny winces and runs a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. “I’m not bi. Well, maybe I am now? I don’t know. I’ve never found guys attractive in that way before, but I find you attractive.”

Patrick rolls his eyes at the nonsense he’s hearing. “You’re just confused because of last night. You’re straight, Jonny. It’s okay. I’ll be fine. You don’t have to feel bad for me.”

“I’m not… I don’t!” Jonny exclaims.

“You gave me a handjob and didn’t even get hard,” Patrick mumbles, looking away.

“Yeah, I did,” Jonny says, lifting an eyebrow.

Patrick sighs. “No, you didn’t. You don’t think I looked?”

Jonny muscles his way closer to Patrick and slams their hips together. He wraps his hands around Patrick’s waist to keep him still. “I was hard, trust me. I came way before you did. You probably looked after.”

Patrick gasps as Jonny's semi-hard dick rubs against his. “You’re- are you hard? I’m making you hard?” he asks in astonishment.

“Yeah,” Jonny says, breathily. “Weird, right?”

Patrick nods dumbly. 

“But like good weird,” Jonny clarifies. “Really good weird.”

Patrick nods again, feeling stupid and unable to form any thoughts.

“Can we try this? I-I know I have a lot of catching up to do in the experience and feelings department, but I want this. I want this so badly,” Jonny says, moving a hand to cup Patrick’s face.

“How about you think it over?” Patrick asks after his thoughts start filtering back into his brain. “I can’t do this with you if you don’t feel the same. We can’t rush into this.”

“I have thought it over,” Jonny reassures him. “I spent the entire day thinking about it.”

“I don’t want to get hurt. I’m not doing this unless you really mean it, unless you really want me. Please just take some more time and think about it?” Patrick asks.

Relief and hope floods through him as Jonny nods and starts backing away.

“Where are you going?” Patrick asks as Jonny makes to leave the kitchen.

Jonny turns around and gives him a smirk. “To do some thinking,” he says, pointing to his hard dick.

Patrick blushes and goes back to peeling the stupid potato. “Um, hurry up then. I need your help with the rest of this,” he says, gesturing at the other vegetables that need to be diced for dinner.

Jonny nods and heads towards his bedroom. Patrick peels one more potato before giving up and following Jonny. A few kisses won’t break his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://liveinfurry.tumblr.com/)


End file.
